


two halves make a whole (in other words i need you)

by Tagrenine



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, as canon as possible, post 2x16
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:32:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tagrenine/pseuds/Tagrenine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“She’s certainly the next commander.” The Trikru seer confirmed as he stared at a young Lexa rather quizzically.  “But, the soul isn’t complete.”</p>
<p>Post 2x16 or a world where Lexa only inherited half of the soul and where both halves are necessary to keep the nations together and to prevent a massive Grounder civil war</p>
            </blockquote>





	two halves make a whole (in other words i need you)

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo...this is my first fic in about 2 years. I'm really excited and I'll probably go back and do quite a bit of editing because I'm not too content with this first draft and I would love to make it smoother. I have no idea how long this fic is gonna be, but I'd imagine not very short given the amount of content I want to put into it.

_“She’s certainly the next commander.” The Trikru seer confirmed as he stared at a young Lexa rather quizzically. “But, the soul isn’t complete.”_

_“What do you mean?” Anya asked with more annoyance in her voice than she intended. What the hell could he possibly mean though, really?_

_“I mean that she’s only half the soul. The other half isn’t here. I don’t know where it’s at.” His face fell and he sighed._

_“This is ridiculous.” Anya scoffed at the old man. He was obviously getting senile in his old age and she didn’t want to waste her time here anymore. He had already confirmed what everybody knew, so their business here was done. “Come Lexa, we have training to do.” Lexa simply nodded and followed Anya out of the earthy hut._

_“It needs to be complete. If she’s to rule the 6 nations, the other half of the soul needs to be present or a great civil war will threaten us all.” He called after them, his voice flat. It was something that was repeated through generations. That the commander keeps peace between the nations; there was no legend for what happened when only half of the soul was passed on._

_“Shof op.” Anya scoffed at him and walked Lexa away._

~~~

Clarke was flat on her back, hungry and exhausted. She had left Bellamy standing at the entrance to Camp Jaha 4 days ago. She had left without really thinking about how she was going to survive and had underestimated quite how hard survival actually was. It had never been her job to hunt back at the dropship and her inexperience was quite evident. She couldn’t even get close to an animal, let alone kill one.

All she had was her pistol, however many bullets she had with her (she hadn’t bothered to count) and the clothes on her back. She briefly considered going back to Camp Jaha, but shook her head. Not yet.

She felt like the sun was mocking her with its warmth. She closed her eyes and tried to have this moment to herself. Clarke wondered how she’s managed to survive really at all. She wasn’t sure which water was safe to drink and which was too contaminated to consume. She hadn’t seen anything outside of a few berries worth eating. She’d hoped that her time reading about Earth plants on the Ark was enough for her to recognize what was poisonous and what wasn’t. Well, she wasn’t dead yet, so that was something (or was it? Clarke didn’t really know).

She had worked hard at not screaming and crying and going down a self-deprecating spiral. She’d been so torn when she left. She couldn’t look at Bellamy without feeling like her heart was being consumed by her. She saw the pain in Jasper’s eyes as he held Maya. Heard the screaming of the innocents she killed. She had been forced into a corner and was left with one option. What was it that they say about animals? Corner an animal and that’s when they’re most dangerous?

She felt a blackness in chest that threatened to take over her. She didn’t even want to move. Part of Clarke was hoping the ground would just consume her, but she assumed that would be selfish of her. Somebody needed to bear the weight of all the innocents killed and who else but her.

Her body ached. Her joints were stiff and her vision slightly blurred. She needed to eat soon or she’s sure it won’t be long before she can’t stand at all. She slowly got to her feet, wincing at how much her body hurt. She was filthy; her hair ratty and her clothes caked in dirt. Her stomach groaned and the pain was surreal. Some part of her was telling her she deserved this (because maybe she did) and she cursed under her breath. This didn’t have to happen. She had had everything planned.

Clarke shook her head. She’d been trying not to think about that. About how she could’ve gotten her people back without killing children. Without letting the lungs of innocents burst and bubble and letting their skin boil. She didn’t need to kill hundreds of people. But she did. She had been betrayed and it forced her into a corner and she bit.

Lexa…

She had put her trust in the Grounder commander and regretted the decision with every ounce of her being. The anger flooded her until she felt fire in the tips of her fingers and toes. It was a strange combination really. Her chest was simultaneously throbbing and empty while also red hot and fiery. Clarke wondered if the worst part of all of it was that she couldn’t tell if she actually hated Lexa (she really wanted to hate Lexa she did) but rather if the anger was just a result of what Lexa’s betrayal had forced her to do.

Clarke walked until she felt her feet go numb. She wasn’t quite sure where she was, but she didn’t really care. She did her best to listen for life. For an animal or even running water. Clarke heard what sounded like water running over stones and wondered if her ears were deceiving her. She followed the sound anyway, hoping this water was safe because she was thirsty and desperate. Within 8 minutes, she stumbled upon the source of the water. A small stream only about 6 inches deep with crystal clear water.  
She fell to her knees and scooped the water into her mouth by the handful. She felt it sliding down her throat and the walls of her stomach. It felt incredible and Clarke drank enough to make her sick.

It wasn’t healthy to go 4 days without adequate water and suddenly gorge yourself. Her body responded by vomiting. Clarke laid on her side and stifled a groan. Her stomach ached now more than ever and she wondered why she hadn’t planned better. She was an excellent planner, a born strategist, and she couldn’t even keep herself alive. The night was chilly again and she haphazardly attempted to start a fire. It had worked the first and second night, but rain on the second night had put her fire out and made all the usable sticks damp. She wasn’t sure how to make a fire from damp material and felt a sob growing in her chest. She was cold, hungry, and exhausted. Maybe she would just sleep through this night and try again tomorrow. Clarke closed her eyes and drifted into perhaps one of the most uncomfortable and lightest sleeps of her life.

~~~

The scent of cooking meat stirred Clarke. She winced at the sharp pains in her stomach and groaned. She opened her eyes and the first thing she realized that it wasn’t even light out yet. Though her clothes felt relatively damp and she assumed it was sometime early morning. The next thing she realized was that there was somebody in front of her, apparently cooking something over a fire. The sight of something other than berries caused her to salivate excessively. She was torn between her desire to be wary and her intense need to eat. The other person must have heard her because they slowly turned around.

Clarke stared intently. This was definitely a man. He had very prominent cheekbones and dark eyes. His hair was long, dark and wild. He had a serious look on his face, but Clarke felt he couldn’t be more than 25 years old. He was not incredibly large, not like Quint or Gustus, but he wasn’t small either. He had what appeared to be the fur of a predator, possibly a Lynx across his shoulders and some sort of long sleeved shirt composed of leather and fabric underneath that. He stared at Clarke then turned back to the fire.

Clarke, finally awake enough to respond properly, got on her feet as quickly as her body would allow and jumped back. She reached for her gun and pointed it at him. She tried not to look at the way her hands were shaking.

“Who are you?” Her voice was hoarse with lack of use and she sounded much less intimidating than she intended to sound.

The Grounder didn’t even look at her and Clarke moved onto a different question.

“Are you Trikru?”

He simply nodded and kept his eye on the meat. Clarke didn’t need to ask who sent him. The thought that she had sent him irked her. It was infuriating and more than anything _painful_ that Lexa sent him.

“How long have you been following me?”  
The Grounder didn’t answer.  
“Don’t ignore me!” Clarke attempted to yell, but it came out hoarser than she wanted.

“Quiet.” He finally looked at her, no, glared at her. His eyes were cold and he sounded more annoyed than anything else. “Eat Clarke.”

Clarke sheathed her gun. She didn’t sense any hostility, just very obvious annoyance. She stared at the meat, what looked like boar, and loathed how badly she wanted to eat it. How badly she wanted to tear into it and consume all of it.

“What if I say no?”

“You will die.” He replied so matter-of-factly it caught Clarke off guard. She probably would die out here if she didn’t eat. But she thinks she would rather die than take anything Lexa offers her.

“I’ll take my chances.” She starts to walk away from him, trying vainly to ignore how hard it was to convince herself to leave. She noted that he made no attempt to follow her or even call after her. Maybe he’d leave her alone after this. She fleetingly wondered why she hadn’t noticed his presence before and just as quickly realized that this is his home and not hers. Surely he’d be able to get around it without making a sound.

Clarke walked as far as she could; maybe an entire mile, before practically collapsing on the ground. The first bit of sunlight was starting to shine over the horizon and Clarke was more exhausted than she thought possible. She closed her eyes and part of her wondered if she’d be able to open them again (another part of her wondered if it’d be worth it).

Clarke woke up to sharp pain in her stomach and head. Her headache was intense and she curled up on the ground and tried to soothe the pain. When she was able to open her eyes, she noted that it was probably about 1PM and she had gone 5 days without eating. She rolled over and saw a pair of tattered boots in front of her.

“Clarke, eat.” She recognized the dull voice.

“I’m not eating anything you catch me.”

“You can’t catch anything yourself, if you don’t eat, you will die.” There was still not a lot of emotion in his voice and Clarke felt less than inclined to listen.

“I will not, I told you I’d try my chances.”

“Yes and we can see how well that’s going.” Was that…sarcasm?

Clarke sat up; albeit not without wincing, and glared at him.

“I can take care of myself.” Clarke tried to look confident, but she assumed that in her current state, she was less than believable.  
She watched as the corner of his lip curled up and she waited for some snarky response, but she just stared at her before squatting to be at eye level with her. She followed his hand as he reached into a pouch on his left hip (she wondered why it wasn’t on his right hip and noticed what appeared to be a dagger there instead) and grabbed a strip ofmeat. Clarke felt her hunger now more than ever and wondered how bad it could be if she just ate the meat.

“Eat Clarke.”

“How much have you reported back about me?” Clarke ignored his command and tried to drag the subject somewhere other than food. She noted his smile faded and he returned to the same serious expression from earlier.

“Nothing. My job is just to make sure you stay alive.” Clarke wonders why she feels somewhat crestfallen at his admission. She ignores the pain in her chest and the weight in her stomach. “Should I report back on your condition?”

“No. Leave me alone.” Clarke attempted to sound as flat as him, but doubt she managed it.

“I cannot disobey my orders. I will not let you die. Eat Clarke.” The Grounder held the meat closer to her face. Clarke gathered every ounce of self-control she had left and stilled her hands.

“I’m not eating anything unless your _Heda_ shoves it down my mouth herself.” Clarke felt pleased by the mirth coating the title. At least she sounded like she hated Lexa. She wanted to feel that way too.

“Very well Clarke.” The Grounder put the strip of meat back into the pouch and sat down.  
He didn’t look at Clarke and she felt her body getting exhausted again. She couldn’t fight the desire to just lay down and close her. It wasn’t long before she was unconscious again.

~~~

“Clarke.” Clarke grumbled at her name. “Clarke.” She felt a hand on her shoulder and slowly opened her eyes. “Finally Clarke.” Her sleep induced haze wasn’t enough to keep her from recognizing the voice and she froze.  
Clarke looked up at Lexa and cursed how her heart jumped in her chest. How it has done it every time she closed her eyes and saw the Commander’s face.

“Clarke you need to eat.” Lexa didn’t sound affected but Clarke saw the hints of worry and affection deep in her eyes.

Clarke shakily got to her feet and ignored the pounding in her head. “Oh? Commander. I’m honored.” Clarke hoped the sarcasm in her voice masked the pain she felt in every part of her body.

“ _Heda_.” The Grounder from before came out of the woods and stood behind Lexa, his hand on his dagger. “We are out of food.”

“Go get some then Aiden. Some drinkable water as well.” He simply nodded and walked away. Clarke felt a wave of anxiety wash over her. She didn’t want to be alone with Lexa. She wasn’t ready for this. She watched the Grounder called Aiden leave and wasn’t sure she would be able to deny Lexa with him gone.

“Please Clarke, please eat.” There was some desperation in Lexa’s voice. She sounded as if she wanted to plead and Clarke took some pleasure in that. She took whatever little pleasure she could in that.

“I will not.”

“Do you want to die?” Lexa’s voice returned to its commander tone. “If you want to die I will not get in your way Clarke.”

“No of course I don’t want to die I just don’t need your help to stay alive Lexa.” Clarke tried to sound indignant. She wanted to disrespect Lexa. She wanted Lexa to be hurt.

“Clarke. You cannot die. You do not want to yes?” Lexa asked flatly. Clarke wasn’t sure what she was asking.

“Of course I don’t want to die.”

“Really? Because your actions prove otherwise. According to Aiden, you have been wandering for days, not even bothering to sneak up on prey. You half-heartedly search for berries and you haven’t even bathed. I wonder if you do want to die.” Clarke picked up a bit of anger in Lexa’s voice.

She closed her eyes and inhaled shakily. She thought about her father. How he died trying to do the right thing. How she thought for years that it was her best friend’s fault only to find out he was covering for her mom and how she would never get to apologize to him.

She thought about Raven and how she fell from the sky. She thought about how Raven looked at Finn like he was the best thing to ever happen to her and Clarke felt invasive and dirty and realized that Finn wasn’t and had never been hers.

She thought about when the Grounders attacked the dropship and she burnt them all alive. She remembered the scent of burning flesh in her nose and how she realized then that she would never forget that scent even if she lived to be 100.

She remembers sliding a blade into the stomach of the man she didn’t have a right to love and imagines Raven’s screams behind her as his life slips away. She remembers how warm Finn’s blood felt running over her hands and wanted to wretch.

She remembers staring into a pair of green eyes and agreeing to let people die to a missile rather than risk their plans. She remembers the screaming and the explosion as the Earth was consumed by metal and fire. She remembers the disappointment in her mother’s face and remembers wanting nothing more than to cry.

Clarke remembers the hard lines of Lexa’s face as she betrays her. Remembers the coldness in her voice and the blood spattered across her cheek. She remembers how _painful_ it was when Lexa left her alone with _“May we meet again”_ and how scared she was to be alone because up until that point she had had Lexa with her.

She remembers her throat closing as she pulled the lever that saved her people and killed hundreds more. How she literally burnt people from the inside out inside their own home. She remembers that _“victory stands on the back of sacrifice.”_  
Clarke wonders if she was trying to die.

“I don’t want to die, I just don’t know how to hunt.” She couldn’t hide the pain in her voice and listens as it cracks.

“You’re not even trying Clarke.” Lexa’s voice is softer now. Clarke remembers that Lexa is also still a child determining who lives and who dies. This woman carries the weight of hundreds and hundreds of lives on her back without any choice. Lexa has to be hard or she’ll get left behind.  If Lexa isn't ruthless, she isn't the commander her people need.

“Eat Clarke.” Lexa held out a strip of meat. It looked like dried meat, something preserved that she had brought with her.

Clarke felt ferocity coursing through her veins and rage nesting in her soul and still felt herself grabbing the meat. She couldn’t help the whine that escaped her throat as she gnawed at the piece of meat and idly wondered how long it would take Aiden to get back with more. She couldn’t help the looking up at Lexa and feeling her heart skip at the relief painted on Lexa’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay!! If you pick up on any discrepancies or have any suggestions please let me know!! I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts. Plus, if you guys think of a name other than Aiden let me know. My creativity is shot.


End file.
